Cross #12.699

Brenda
Chatsworth Ca

My 48 year old husband Darren  shot himself in our living room, on June 12, 2013. He died within six hours of the shooting. He had bouts of depression due to an unsuccessful back surgery five years earlier. but this timing totally caught me off guard. His son had just graduated from high school June 7th and had tryout for the Dodgers on the morning of 12th. Plus we had just come back from a very enjoyable weeks vacation. On June 11th Darren, his son Chase, and myself had gone for a tour of the college he would be attending. We then had gone out to dinner to celebrate. He had even called my best friend to join us. I was doing some paperwork while he and Chase were working on a project in the garage, Chase left us to return to  his house about 8 or 9 o’clock that evening. Darren had been drinking, which was not unusual. He was celebrating. He said he couldn’t sleep. I know he had taken some prescription medication. I told him if he would lay down he would fall asleep. But he didn’t. A while later he came to me and said “do you want to play Russian roulette?” I was shocked got up out of bed flipped on the light and saw he had a gun in his hand. I picked up the phone and said I was calling 911. I told him to put the gun away and knock it off because I didn’t think it was funny. He said ok. I heard him put the gun away or so I thought.  He then said he still couldn’t sleep and was going into the living room to watch tv. Within a half an hour he had shot himself in the head. The paramedics came and took him to the hospital. The police wouldn’t let me go with him. They took me there in the back of a police car. My parents and his mother and sister met me there. He died there within 6 hours. We had only been married for 18 months at the time but had been together for over 13 years. I am still living at my parents house  9 months later. I feel so lost and overwhelmed by his death. I am angry at the position he left me in. I am forced to make decisions I am unprepared to make. His son has become a stranger and is questioning my every moved regarding his father’s estate. I am heartsick. I need help. My family and friends do what they can but I don’t even know how or what to ask for. His family have been kind to me. His Mom refused to attend the memorial because she was embarrassed by the cause of his death. We are now in probate and like I said his son (or more likely Chase’s mother) is contesting each and every move to bring closure to this chapter. I am desperate for healing and guidance. Please, please pray for me. I ache from the mental and physical pain. Thank you. In Jesus name I pray. Brenda